Gender Inequality in Kyrgyzstan: Ala Kachuu and the Cycle of Kelinism

Trigger Warning: The following article contains descriptions and statistics related to child marriage, kidnapping and sucicide, including sexual exploitation, forced labor, and abuse. Some content may be distressing to readers. Please proceed with caution.

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This is the first blog in the 3-part series of Supernova: She Speaks' collaboration with YouthxYouth. This blog series uses the YouthxYouth pedagogy of What Is, What If, and What Now, combined with Supernova: She Speaks’ mission of raising awareness and achieving gender equality. In this third blog, Supernova: She Speaks goes into the What Is of gender inequality in Kyrgyzstan, specifically looking at the practice of Ala Kachuu and the cycle of Kelinism.

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A public space. A car. A group of men. A girl wandering alone. Ala Kachuu — the name sounds lyrical, but its meaning is brutal. In Kyrgyzstan, this tradition of bride-kidnapping has become a normalized path to marriage.

In the name of tradition, fueled by the demand for exploitative labor – countless marriages start with coercion. Every 1 in 3 women in the rural areas of Kyrgyzstan marry their kidnappers. Ala Kachuu, or bride-kidnapping, is a social practice where the future “groom” abducts a woman against her will through deception or force, eventually coercing her into marriage via psychological and/or physical means. Ala Kachuu is not limited by borders, cities, or neighborhoods. This violation of human rights occurs everywhere across the country, from the mountains of Issyk Kul to the central neighborhoods in Bishkek. The victims are usually young, often below the age of 25 and sometimes minors. The study conducted by American sociologist Russell Kleinbach of Philadelphia University, Kyrgyz sociologists Mehrigiul Ablezova, and Medina Aitieva from the American University-Central Asia in Bishkek demonstrated that most governmental officials and organizations consider ala kachuu as a necessary tradition, as well as an essential part of the Kyrgyz identity. “[Bride-kidnapping] is a tradition, that’s why we’ve received no appeals. If it were by force, then maybe [people would complain]….” (Human Rights Watch, 2005). Most governmental officials failed to acknowledge that bride-kidnapping is a serious crime and that the state has an obligation to punish the kidnappers. Another officer, interviewed by the Human Rights Watch, stated, “Of course there is kidnapping, without this marriage doesn’t happen.” (HRW, 2005). However, the reality is far from the narrative set by governmental officials and aksakals (male elders of the community).

While many Kyrgyz conservatives may assert that ala kachuu has always been part of the Kyrgyz identity, studies show that this practice has been increasing only after the fall of the Soviet Union. The 2004 American University-Central Asia study demonstrates that 63% of married women and girls ages 16 to 25 had been kidnapped, compared to 47% of married women ages 36 to 56, and27% of married women aged 76 or older (HRW). Overall, this study found that 80% of girls in the village married as a result of bride-kidnapping. The researchers classified 57% percent of these kidnappings as non-consensual, and concluded that, “35-45 per cent of married ethnic Kyrgyz women are married against their will as a result of bride-kidnapping”(HRW). If these numbers don’t seem high enough, many NGO leaders state that some villages have even higher rates of bride-kidnapping, sometimes over 80%. One misconception is that this is only practiced in the villages. Statistics show that ala kachuu is also widespread in the cities, while rare in Osh and Bishkek. Shoira S, a victim of ala kachuu, recalled how she was kidnapped in Bishkek – the capital of Kyrgyzstan, “People think that this doesn’t happen in the city, but it does…. Three years ago, in 2002, when I was 18 years old I was kidnapped. This is very widespread. Even in the city.” (HRW).

From Abduction to Marriage

While the kidnappings of brides vary, a general pattern is evident across the country. The victim is usually young and is abducted either by deception or force by a group of men. The man could be an acquaintance, a rejected suitor, or a complete stranger. As noted by the Human Rights Watch, “A study conducted in the Aksy district of Jalal Abad province found that 26 of the 35 women whose cases of kidnapping were documented were abducted by complete strangers” (2005).

Several cases have been documented by the Human Rights Watch:

“Feruza F. said that although she had seen the men who took her prior to the kidnapping, she did not know the groom in advance. She described herself as being in shock when she realized the men intended her to marry a complete stranger. She said:
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The men who took me were acquaintances of my father… It was evening and the men had seen me earlier for a while and they went to my parents and said they wanted to marry me with someone. My parents said “No, she’s still young.”  The men ignored that…. I was in shock, I had never seen this man before and I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t like it and I said, “I don’t want to live with you and I don’t know you.”  They said, “No this is the way with all women. Everything will be normal.”  I didn’t like the man they made me marry.³⁷⁶

Surprisingly, even other women lure girls to be kidnapped. 

Some are driven by jealousy, as their lives unfolded with injustice, while their friend is free. Amina Z. was betrayed by her best friend, who told Amina’s future groom to kidnap her. She was kidnapped, with the help of her very own best friend, as a result of jealousy and systemic normalization of forced marriages. 

Others simply want their friends to marry their relatives, like the case of Aisulu A, who was lured to a party by a female friend and then kidnapped by men who were strangers to her. She said, “They put me in a car. I cried and tried to refuse. I didn’t want to marry her [the friend’s] brother… I’d never met him before.”³⁷⁷‍

Women’s rights activists point to the fact that many abductors are complete strangers to the woman involved to support their argument that bride-kidnapping is not a tradition. They take strong exception to the implication that as a “tradition,” the practice is somehow benign. Bubusara Ryskulova said, “Kidnapping is not a tradition, it is a crime. It is not just ‘imitation’ of a crime, there are cases of strangers kidnapping women.”³⁷⁸  Activist Aleksandra Eliferenko concurs. She told Human Rights Watch, “Abduction is not just play-acting. It is still violence. If you write it off as ‘tradition’ then you have to tolerate all types of abduction.”³⁷⁹ “

The method of abduction varies. It may involve violence, psychological manipulation, deceit, or even rape. The kidnapper usually uses the help of a group of men, his acquaintances, and carries his victim home. 

Elmira E. described her kidnapping at the age of 17: “I was kidnapped from the sovkhoz [collective farm] by a group of men. I was working in the shed, I was the guard. There were five or six men who grabbed me and forced me into a car…. I didn’t have a choice, there were so many of them and I didn’t have the strength to fight them off.”³⁸⁶  

Ainura A., who was kidnapped by her long-time boyfriend and his male accomplices, told Human Rights Watch, “In the car, I tried to fight them off, but the men were strong.”³⁸⁷ Another young woman who was the victim of an attempted kidnapping told a journalist that the men grabbed her and forced her into their car. She resisted, she said, and in the struggle her hand broke through the window. She said that when the men saw all the blood they decided to leave her there and fled the scene.³⁸⁸ 

Handrahan’s study cites several examples of men who said that they “dragged the woman down the street,” “dragged her into the car,” “broke her hands,” “beat her,” and “covered her mouth and head” (Current Time).

Once taken to the man’s home, a group of women, the intended groom’s female relatives, compel the victim to agree to marry. Through a variety of methods, from physical force to psychological manipulation, the victims very often succumb. It is rarely the case that the girl is able to escape, or that she receives support in any way. Even the intended bride’s own parents persuade her to stay and marry off. Staying at a man’s house overnight practically guarantees her submission as well. Because in Kyrgyz culture, she would be considered as “unclean”, and no one would want to marry her once she escapes. There will be no point of escaping for the girl, as her life would be ruined either way. She will be shamed, bringing “dishonor” to her family, and ruining the reputation of her relatives. 

Nonetheless, many families still attempt to save their girls from coerced marriages. They visit the groom’s home, plead with his relatives, beg them to release the girl. But bride-kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan is not limited to physical coercion. It’s the social pressure for women to be kelins, for them to be clean, and the result seems to be the same anyway – she will be married to one or the other. What’s the point of escaping, if the outcome is the same?

In some cases, the groom’s mother will even threaten to curse the girl for life. They would threaten the mother of the girl that if the marriage is refuted, the girl will be cursed, never happy, dying in shame. In Kyrgyz culture, this isn’t taken lightly. For a mother, the fear alone is enough for her to say “yes” on behalf of their daughters.

As a result, the victims succumb.

After submission, an official registration of the marriage is rare; rather, a feast takes place in the house, or Muslim clerk visits to conduct the ceremony.

As an example, here is an interactive story-telling short game that simulates a bride-kidnapping process: https://darling-naiad-9b4061.netlify.app/

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The Incentives Behind‍

The main cause of this horrific practice is not tradition, nor the identity of being Kyrgyz. It is the demand for free labour.‍

Kyrgyzstan’s deep patriarchy does not only oppress women — it trains them to oppress each other. This is kelinism: the cycle of coerced servitude, passed from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law like a curse. The society is shaped for the comfort of men–deeply patriarchal, systemically pressuring women to conform to social expectations and accept injustice. From the very beginning of a girl’s life, her family tells her that she was meant to be a mother, a wife, a kelin. They tell her that the only way she can bring honor and achieve success is to serve her husband’s family well, without personal opinions or resistance. 

Girls are told from the moment of their birth how to behave like a girl. Relatives compare their daughters for how good they serve tea, how quickly they can clean the house, and how tasty their meal is. From ages 0 to 18, every moment of parenting is to teach your daughter how to be a kelin to their future family-in-law. Kelin, in Kyrgyz, means “daughter-in-law”, but its actual meaning is not so simple. For the role of daughters in Kyrgyzstan is a mere child-bearer, servant, and free labour. As described by the Oxus Society, “At its worst, kelinism is nothing short of slavery and institutionalised domestic abuse” (Asylai Akisheva, 2021). During the marriage ceremony, the older women of the bride’s family tell the young girl to “never look back”, “never say a bad word about his family”, “befriend the mother-in-law”, “absorb everything like water”, and in plain words, suffer silently, eternally. That is the reality of “honor” and “success” for a Kyrgyz woman.

Farida F, a victim of bride-kidnapping, recalls her life at 19, when she was recently abducted,

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“I was in somebody else’s house and I put great effort into trying to adjust myself to the new place and its people. I did my best to make sure that my new relatives would be satisfied with me. I had to do practically everything in the house—all the possible housework, and nobody ever helped me…. The new family was large, very large. They had six children, the eldest one was my husband, and the youngest girl was only a year-and-a-half old. So, it is easy to imagine now how much of an effort it took for me to take care of and to clean everything for all these people.”

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The victims are expected to take care of the entire family, take responsibility for all the chores in the house, and constantly serve guests. Speaking of guests, Kyrgyzstan is famously known for its hospitality. They invite people they barely know to drink a cup of tea, to eat a meal, and stay at the house. Relatives usually come to the house uninvited. And who would arrange all the food, table, drinks, cleaning, and work? The kelins. 

At this point, it is clear why there is such a high demand for bride-kidnapping – why women urge their sons to marry a girl, and why men rush to grab a woman to take home. Brides are mere means of increasing the productivity of the household, for free. 

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The Story of Farida‍

The girl recalls her life with her mother-in-law, 

"The family I came to was considered more or less modern. But even in that case, there were misunderstandings and grievances between me and my mother-in-law. My kainene (mother-in-law) did not like my skills. I did not wash the dishes correctly, I did not cook the food correctly, I did not knead the dough correctly," says Farida Abdulaziz kyzy from Kyrgyzstan. She is now 30 years old, she got married eight years ago and immediately moved in with her husband's parents.

"Harsh words and rude attitudes offended me. But when I came to my parents' house, my father would say: "Be patient! You are now a member of this family. Agree with their rules, you will not lose anything from this..." - she continues.

"A kelinka is like a slave, a second-class creature. Women are forced to accept this. This attitude is in the blood, and nothing will change. Even if you live in this family for 10-20 years, even if you give birth to three children. As a kelinka, I was very offended at first, I was angry. But over time, you get used to your place, because it dawns on you that you are powerless to change anything," says Farida. (Current Times).

Comparison is also common in the Kyrgyz society. People compare their kelins with others’, claiming that one makes the tea better than the other, or that their cleans faster than the neighbor’s. Ultimately, everything is shaped for the comfort of men, so that kelins would work more, work better, work faster, and it is never enough.

And the worst part?

It’s a cycle. A woman enters a household as a kelin — burdened with labor, silence, and obedience. Over the years, shaped by relentless pressure and pain, she transforms into the very figure she once feared: the abusive mother-in-law. When she has sons of her own, she forgets. Her past becomes power. And so the cycle repeats. 

Men benefit — they receive the labor. 

The authorities stay silent — it's just “family business.” 

Mothers-in-law want replacements. 

Kelins have no choice.

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Domestic Violence

Data from the Human Rights Watch demonstrate that 45% of daughter-in-laws have experienced “systematic physical or psychological abuse from their partner’s relatives” (HRW). One study showed over 300 deaths of women in Kyrgyzstan by their husbands and boyfriends from 2008 to 2020. During the first eight months of 2023, only 2% of over 8,500 cases of domestic violence went to trial. Not to mention how much courage it takes for a victim to report and officially register the case– society normalizes domestic violence to the point where it seems dramatic to call the police when one is in a life-death situation. 

The Case of Asel Nogoibaeva – 2023

“Why should all cases in Kyrgyzstan concerning violence against women be resolved only after someone suffers, dies or becomes crippled for life? Does the judicial system even work? Why should we seek protection from journalists, society?” asks Asel Nogoibaeva, a victim of domestic abuse and rape. She has been systematically abused by her husband, until one day, she was strangled, beat, and cut off her nose and ears at the hands of her very own husband, in front of their youngest son.

“I turned to the local police with a statement about the threats. They accepted my appeal, but there was no action,” she says. “Two days after that, he raped me, at night, on the street.”

The husband’s family asked her to withdraw her legal claims, and she agreed on the condition that he would leave her alone with their sons, 10 and 16 years old. He agreed, but in January 2023, he beat her and raped her again.

In August, there was a court hearing against Estebesov (the husband), but he was let off with three years’ probation. Nogoibaeva filed an appeal, but the hearing was postponed until late September on Estebesov’s request.

“I cried with fear, I told the court that two days ago he came to my house and beat me. He said he would kill me, so he’s stalling for time. They didn’t listen to me. Neither the judge nor the prosecutor. The trial was moved to 27 September. On 20 September, he maimed and cut me, making me permanently disabled,” she says.

Nogoibaeva’s life was saved by her 10-year-old son, who screamed so loudly that a neighbour called the police. Since witnessing the attack, the child has stopped speaking from shock.

Nogoibaeva’s mother stated that “while there may be a public outcry over individual cases, many people in the country accept that violence and humiliation of women by their husbands are simply facts of life” (The Guardian, 2023).

It is a shame that in the 21st century, women still experience such barbarity, witnessed by their children, by their very own husbands. It is a shame that society still allows for such occurrences to happen. It is a shame that the court neglects the victims for corruption or mere preference for men. It is a shame that the judicial system does not enforce the laws, when their only job is to protect the life and safety of the citizens.

Femicide

Aizada Kanatbekova was strangled to death for saying “no”. 

On April 5th, 2021, under the daylight, in the city of Bishkek, a 27-year-old young girl was kidnapped by several men. Two days later, her mother was mourning over her daughter’s cold body.

Kanatbekova’s mother said that when she reported the case of abduction, the police “had laughed off her plea for help after the abduction and told her she’d soon be dancing at her daughter’s wedding” (HRW, 2021). It’s a classic example of the neglect authorities and the police exhibit to such cases, even if the law officially mandates up to seven years of prison.

The case wasn’t delayed. It didn’t lack evidence. The cameras of Bishkek captured the license plates of the cars, it was reported immediately after the abduction. But there was no action.

As a result, Aizada, who simply wanted to live like any other girl on Earth, lost her life for saying “no”.

It wasn’t the first time they did this either. 

In 2018, Burulay Turdaly Kyzy was killed by her two-time-kidnapper, as a result of being locked in the same room by the police.

Imagine reporting a kidnapping case, and they lock you in the same room with the criminal who did this twice.

This is also driven by the prevalent belief in Kyrgyzstan that bride-kidnapping is a family affair, and that couples should resolve such issues independently.

Yet it’s not a family affair. It is a crime. It should be punished.

But it never is.

Turganbubu Orunbaeva conducted a study, where out of 860 cases of bride-kidnapping, only 3 had brought criminal cases. None of the three were punished. The women reported to the police, but the police never sent the cases to the court. The parents agreed on some terms, and the case was closed.

The doors of life for the girl were closed.

As Aisuluu, a survivor of bride-kidnapping puts it, “Despite the fact that 25 years have passed since then, I cannot forget this whole nightmare that broke my life. I cannot forgive any of the people who participated in this, including my parents, who instead of supporting me, became one of the accomplices of this crime.” (UNICEF).

This is so widespread, no girl in Kyrgyzstan knows if they will be the next victim. There is no guarantee, regardless of whether you live in the city, a village, or in the mountains, you could be kidnapped.

None of these girls said “Yes”.

But no one even asked them.

Suicide

Suicide is also not uncommon. In only five months in 2018, 49 children committed suicide. Most of the cases were caused by sexual violence and bride-kidnapping, reported the UNDP. 

A 19-year-old girl was able to escape her kidnapper’s family. 

The reason was simple: she lied to them, saying she was not a virgin. This was enough for them to let go. But the words spread all over the village, making her own grandmother angry at her.

At that point, the girl hanged herself. Her suicide note said, 

“Tell my dad I am still a virgin. I hope I am leaving for a peaceful place.” (Peacewomen)

Overview: The Current State

In Kyrgyzstan, 38% of marriages (UNDP) start with violence, coercion, manipulation, or deception. There is no support system for women– families persuaded to succumb, the society approves crimes, and the judicial system turns a blind eye. Kelinism is passed down from generation to generation, with the daughter-in-law serving endlessly, relentlessly, never enough, never right, until a day comes for her to repeat the oppression of her very own mother-in-law. Women are considered to be second-class citizens, with their roles being child-bearers and slaves of the household. Women themselves do not realize their potential, that there is another life, another way to survive, and a way to thrive. Cycles of dependency continue for generations – society considers women as second-class citizens who are meant to serve men, and women accept the reality which was never supposed to be true, passing down the toxic traits to their very own daughters. Domestic violence rates increase exponentially, women continue being victims of abuse, inequality, and injustice. 

It isn’t just a problem of the state. The government. The police. Or the judicial system.

It’s not just about passing laws.

It’s about how society perceives girls.

How fathers should stand up for their daughters.

How women should stop persuading other women to repeat their lives.

How neighbors should stop gossiping and judging.

How the police should listen and do their job, not laugh at criminal cases.

How the judge should proceed with justice, and not prejudice or corruption.

It’s about everyone in this society.

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Could any of this change?

What if girls realized that there is another way? That they don’t have to be kelins, serving men their entire lives until they become another mother-in-law? What if families encourage their daughters to pursue careers of their own, and not to marry a successful man? What if marriage could be a result of love, respect, and beauty instead of coercion and toxic tradition? What if girls learned to say no to abuse, to kidnappers, to catcallers, to injustice and systemic patriarchy? What if women felt empowered, supported, and enough to be individuals, and not servants in the shadows? Would justice be put right, suffering stop, and society flourish? Would we achieve gender equality, the basic human right, and improve the country socially, economically, and culturally? 

Could any of this... Change?

What Now: A Call to Action for Gender Equality in Kyrgyzstan

It is time to reject the notion that a girl’s highest aspiration is to become a wife, mother, or kelin (daughter-in-law). A girl is not a second-class citizen. She is not born to be given away, married off, or subordinated. Success for girls must be defined on the same terms as for boys: the right to pursue education, to build a career, and to find personal fulfillment on their own terms.

According to the World Bank, gender equality is a key driver of development; when women are educated and empowered, GDP rises, poverty declines, and social health improves (World Bank, 2012). The government, therefore, has an obligation to support the ambitions of young women through judicial enforcement, policy, funding, and social services. 

This support must also begin at home: families must stop viewing daughters as temporary members destined for another household. Daughters are not "outsiders." They are equal citizens and must be treated as such. Only when households realize this fact, can society achieve a common ground for gender equality.

Ala kachuu must not be normalized in the name of tradition. It is a violation of human rights, including the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW), to which Kyrgyzstan is a signatory. Ala kachuu must be met with zero tolerance. Despite its criminalization under Article 175 of the Criminal Code of Kyrgyzstan, ala kachuu remains under-prosecuted due to corruption and deep-rooted societal acceptance (UN Women, 2020). The government must take decisive action to enforce existing laws, eliminate legal loopholes, and end the complicity of law enforcement in these crimes.

Domestic violence against women should not be treated as a “private family matter”. It is a crime. It is not “normal,” “cultural,” or “deserved.” Survivors must be supported through dedicated funding for shelters, legal aid, and mental health services. Police must be trained to treat abuse seriously and protect victims without prejudice. Kyrgyzstan must follow through on the promises of its 2017 Law on the Prevention and Protection Against Family Violence and make implementation, not just legislation, its priority.

A society that thrives does not treat half its population as second-class citizens. True progress and flourishing will come only when girls are free to live for themselves, not through the roles imposed upon them. Not for their husbands, or their parents, their children, or their families. When girls are seen as future scientists, doctors, engineers, artists, and leaders– not as someone’s kelin. When the law protects their bodies, minds, and dreams, and when society celebrates their freedom. When support is given by the judicial system, with implementation, legislation, social acceptance, encouragement, and empowerment. 

“Children are our future”,

Then let’s not forget that daughters are also children.

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Works Cited:

https://www.currenttime.tv/a/kelin-central-asia/30593708.html

https://oxussociety.org/kelinism-in-kyrgyzstan-womens-rights-versus-traditional-values/

https://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/kyrgyzstan0906/3.htm#_ftnref332

https://www.hrw.org/news/2019/05/28/kyrgyzstan-pressure-builds-protect-women-and-girls

https://www.hrw.org/news/2021/04/09/another-woman-killed-scourge-kyrgyzstan-bride-kidnappings

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/oct/27/why-must-we-be-silent-horrific-attack-in-kyrgyzstan-puts-focus-on-violence-against-women

https://www.unicef.org/eca/stories/i-never-said-yes

https://www.peacewomen.org/content/kyrgyzstan-bride-kidnapping-prevalent-kyrgyzstan